The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize