Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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