Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
