you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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