I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Congratulations! We have a period
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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