Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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