My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
