Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
