OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Shame - the story of my life.
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