Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
nutella sex= disaster
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
