Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
