Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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