i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
