i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
