I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
How's work?
Spinning.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
