totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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