tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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