ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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