I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
