I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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