I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
