puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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