This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
