I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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