I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
