So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
