Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
