those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
