explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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