i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
