Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
