Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
