i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
