you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
