It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
