it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
