Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
