You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
