The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
