Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
