the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
