i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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