that's an acceptable place to lick
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
