Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
