Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
