I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
