i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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