would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
