***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
