watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
