she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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