in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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